She Wants to Be HER

She Wants to Be HER—

Tall, skinny, and elegant,

Wearing a silky dress that follows her sexy curves,

With an open back, from the shoulders

To that seductive spot,

Tracing the line

Of her spine.

Men’s eyes follow the silk

And wonder, what is under it?

Even her own eyes follow that silk

And wonder, what is under it?

She wants those legs—skinny but strong,

Feet slipped into shiny shoes all along…

Just like Cinderella,

Being chased by the prince—

Not just any guy,

Not for attention that makes her cry.

She wants to be HER—

Seductive without trying,

Sexual,

Attractive,

Slowly opening her gloomy eyes

And confidently knowing:

She is the center of her space,

The gravity of her worth,

The grace.

She wants to be HER—

To look in the mirror

And like herself… for once, without fear.

For once!

She felt a punch in her throat—

Liking her figure,

Seeing her beauty.

Deep inside, she dared believe

She could be beautiful too—and not deceive.

She wants to be HER—

But the mirror won’t lie.

Her heart jumped out of her chest—sharp pain…

Not hiding behind oversized T-shirts again,

Not turning away from a judgmental eye…

She closed her eyes—

The envy was so strong.

She squeezed the fat roll

That spilled out of her jeans all along.

She felt the heat of shame,

A secret blush no mirror forgave.

SHE has a waist…

She used to, once.

She closed her eyes;

With tears, she sighed.

Oh wait!

They call it a “love handle.”

They say, “Body positive.”

But what is positive about feeling heavy,

Feeling tired,

Big,

Getting out of breath,

Insecure… depressed,

Craving foods that bring you closer to death,

Hated,

Hateful?

She hated HER—

HER, that skinny girl…

She hated HER.

“Body positive,” they said.

But the confidence was only a mask over dread—

As fragile as the silk she ached to wear.