Serge McBride, The Orcan Man

My faithful followers: students, teachers, novices, and simple seekers of knowledge: below is the ancient tale of the mythical feats of Serge McBride. It is a timeless tale of derring-do fit for Hades or Zeus to mock. Tis the tale of a man blessed by the Gods with a power all his own... A blessing he turned to good use as Poseidon may attest. Tis the tale of how the undersea land of Atlantis got a mailman. Sit back, close your eyes, picture the scene as we tell the tale of Serge McBride - the man Born to Ride.

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Serge McBride was born to ride

Not a steed he couldn’t tame

Bucking bronco or raging bull

To Serge ‘twas all the same

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Nation to nation he sought the sensation

Of being thrown from saddle or seat

Many claimed Serge’d go down in flames

But every beast went to glorious defeat

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Far and wide brave Serge did ride

Seeking that which he couldn’t handle

He flew on an eagle and ran with a beagle

Never once even scuffing a sandal

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African game they saddled the same

Be it rhinoceros, cape buffalo or leopard

Lions’ manes they doubled as reins

Whilst herding antelope like a shepherd

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Of the Land Down Under Serge didst wonder

So he decided to go Walk About

Kangaroo’s pouch a nicely padded couch

For Outback hopping to gather clout

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A zebra’s stripe took nary a swipe

Afore the saddle was there in place

Ostrich’s feathers as welcome as leathers

As he spurred across wide open space

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Being quite bold Serge went to the cold

And visited freezing arctic blow

Walrus’ long tusks, Serge rode like a bus

Sleepy polar bear a sled for the snow

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Not being a hater, Serge roped him a gator

To survey Everglades marsh and swamps

Seeking large snakes he splashed thru lakes

As bird sized mosquitoes joined his romps

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In tornado didst bend knee to the wind

Flew over Kansas fields for a day

Thick hided rhino, sidesaddle with a wino

Serge mastered all that came his way

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Astride moose or jaguar Serge never lagged far

Seeking always what he could not tame

What beast can I not ride? Where does it hide?

Someone please just tell me its name

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Across the globe Serge sought new foes

Unseating all and sundry that came

At last to a lass Serge confessed alas

I have nothing left but my fame

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Raising a hand he asked a barman

What to do with nothing left undone

A sailor who heard told a story absurd

Of a man who rode killer whales for fun

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You’ve mastered land and animals from sand

But what of the creatures of the ocean?

Come hither with me and we’ll go to the sea

To ride huge tentacled beasts if you’ve a notion

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I have just the thing a whale that sings

But never with a rider shall merge

Mount his spout you’ll scream and shout

And no longer be despondent sir Serge

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Serge didst bow and made solemn vow

To ride all creatures in that vast watery place

Atlantis I’ll find it’s creatures to bind

Porpoises and octopi in an oceanic race

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On deck of ship Serge didst not slip

Feet steady as ever on land

Till he saw spout and let out a shout

Ahoy whale prepare to be manned!

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A lasso he loosed in the form of a noose

Around the giant snout rope did fall

From wooden plank feet were yanked

Gracefully he skied behind a narwhal

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Great white shark swam near in the dark

Serge warily calculated its speed

Then dove right in and grappled a fin

His adrenaline rush to feed

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Our Serge was keen when t’was last seen

Sitting atop an orcas watery spout

Rope in his teeth as Moby jumped reef

Rider screaming, This is what it’s all about!

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So if ever at sea you happen to be

And espy a cowboy on a squid or a whale

You’re not crazy your eyes are not hazy

Tis but Serge McBride delivering Atlantean mail