sept 7 (12:57am) & sept 20, 2021 (3:04am)

please tag me if you share <3 @meliorsini

••• ••• •••

i’ve always felt like 'depression' is

a word "too strong" to describe my feelings

i wouldn’t call myself “depressed”

ever

saying it would mean

i should do something about it

me and half of the world, right?

but i am

depressed

like half of the world

only, my depression

looks a lot like

adrenaline rushes

makes me stay busy

and if i’m busy,

i look capable

and productive

and in control

control

my depression has managed

to make my bed so uncomfortable

i wake up every day at five

the weight of my thoughts

make my head so heavy

my pillow has flatten

i try

i try really hard to stay there

roll over to face sweet love

hold on to her

but my depression gets jealous

my thoughts, louder

anxiety drags me out of bed

“you need to start doing something”

and i have, i do

i’ve given my everything to my agenda

lists and lists that never see a single checkmark

because stress makes me start another task

before i finish the last one

i have so many half ideas

i should be coaching people on

how to get things started

let them finish, if they can

my depression lives in my skin

like sand and salt after soaking on yemayá

i’ve tried to wash her out on cold water

but she likes it hot

as my skin burns under the shower

my mind comes up with songs

deep thoughts,

truths and lies i’ll never tell

and for a little while,

i feel like i got this

this, meaning life