Selfishness

Selfishness

I did it for me

I know I killed her.

For me, I wasn’t happy.

Not enough for you.

Not enough for your kids, your family.

If I didn’t kill her, I know in my gut she would wait for the opportunity to do it in a different way.

In a scary way.

I killed her for my own selfishness.

I tried to put her down, before she could do it herself.

I killed my old self to save my new self.

I changed my life to escape from my old demons.

Or so I thought.

Demons can come back around

Lurking in the darkness waiting for their opportunity.

Those demons keep trying.

I’m not weak minded, physically weak? Yes.

But I’m doing my best.

I changed, shaved my head.

Moved.

Got a house.

I somehow was able to get this far.

I still may have people holding grudges against me, for things they did to me!

It does not make sense.

I want more out of life.

This is not me.

Not this mundane life.

I wasn’t supposed to be here.

Why am I here?

All for this?

This nothingness?

I was made for bigger, stronger things.

Not this frail waste of stardust.

Left to fend for myself.

This wasn’t supposed to happen to me.

I’m too much for this life.

She was killing me from the inside out.

I know I am made for more in this life.

My emotional body and soul was meant for bigger, better things.

Bigger than I could ever imagine.

More.

Much more.

More magical than I could ever dream of.

She was meant to be left behind.

So you can grow and flourish.

-ej