Self-Sabotaging Security

You gave me hints

that for some reason

you felt you couldn't

trust me

*

I tried

to work things out

to address things

that sat uncomfortably

*

So we could be transparent

So we could build trust again

*

Because I cared for you

And I only desire

to have authentic

connections

with people

I spend my time with

*

You told me that

you thought I was

using you

for my own pleasure

*

I wonder who told you that?

When I showed you

how much I only desired

to love and accept you

*

even when

you showed me

your shadows

even when

you rejected me

*

I wonder who made you think that?

When after our last disagreement

you confessed

That you used my mouth

to relieve your anger

and gave me nothing back

*

You told me how

you can see being with me

would make

you a better lover

*

but you said

you "knew" being with me

would cause you

to emotionally suffer

*

You said you knew

for sure

because your friends

told you so

*

although

they never saw

us together

they never saw

the way I'd hold you

*

You said your friends

told you

you couldn't

trust me

although

they never met me

*

You trusted

their judgments of me

More than you trusted

your own eyes

your own feelings

your own intuitions

*

I wonder

if you ever stopped

to listen

to their intentions

*

I'm sure that

many were rooted

in manipulation

jealousy

and projections

*

I wonder if you ever

stopped to listen

to yourself

*

If you ever stopped

to feel your heart’s whispers

through your ego's shouts

*

I wonder if you'll ever

see past your

self-sabotaging doubts

*

Misconceptions

and mistrust

in something unfamiliar

something terrifyingly new

something special

something mutually rare

*

An authentic connection based

in love, respect, laughter, and friendship

*

You told me that

you thought I was 

creating drama

For confronting the

elephant in the room

*

For asking to make space

to expand our lungs

to spread our limbs

beyond the fetal position

of our wounds

*

You blamed me

for your knee-jerk reactions

For your hot-headed fear

your past rooted pain

and unsettled feelings

*

Maybe my timing was wrong

but my intentions were pure

*

But you didn't listen

to my intentions

*

You didn't listen

to the one who loved you

because you didn't listen

to yourself

*

You listened

to your fears

and everybody else