Sea of Sorrow

I thought I knew every nuance,

Each expression and change of tone

Never had I suspected that your eyes did way more than roam.

.

I thought we were partners,

Building our life together forever.

We could face anything,

As long as your hand was in mine.

Never knowing how many times that you had crossed the line.

.

The love that I felt, the passion you inspired?

I was convinced that you were a gift, divine and admired.

How could I have possibly missed so many signs

And given you all of me?

Allowed you to waste all this time

With your deceptive reverie?

.

I feel as if a fog lifted, exposing the truth.

Yet one foot remains so firmly planted behind me.

I try to push you away.

While desperately wishing you’d come closer.

I know what you’ve done.

Seen what you’re capable of.

Yet somehow, I still hope,

Inexplicably so.

.

I waited endlessly for you to change,

Or to allow me to finally turn the page.

I feel trapped and unmoored.

A buoy without my anchor.

My sea of sorrow rises.

At times I’m filled with rage.

I despise you and all that you’ve done,

Yet I long for the days when I believed that you were truly the one.

.

How did you fool me?

Deceive me without a second thought?

Was I really so broken

That every false promise of yours, I so readily bought?

Even after everything,

I still fought and I fought.

For you, for us, for all that we’d built.

.

You knew you’d f*cked up,

Caught in your intricate web of lies.

But without you?

I’d felt just as distraught.

For they’ve broken me so.

You succeeded where they’d failed.

So worried that I’d lose myself in the fight.

That there’d be no coming back, no source of relief.

Lost to the aguish in the dark of the night,

I’d be a prisoner to time, overcome by my grief.

.

You feared that I’d no longer be the woman you fell for,

Yet never hesitated to torment me with your endless betrayals.

What of the man that I fell for?

Where has he gone?

He hasn’t been seen in far, far too long.

You caused my self to disappear.

As it turned out, you were the only one I should’ve ever feared.

. . .

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This poem was originally published on Medium: