scandal

as i stand at the alter and look at you i start to realize i dont know who you are anymore. everything i have been putting in the back of my head starts to rush through my thoughts. the girl you told me you didnt know but so obviously do. the talks when i poured my heart out and you reminded me that im too sensitive. what about the girl you told me not worry about but eventually became a problem? do i dare believe anything you have said to me? do you actually love me as much as you say you do or do you say those things because you know theyll make me stay?

i zone back in and i hear you say i do. now it is my turn to say that phrase in return. i look at you in shock not sure what to say. i look to the crowd in fear. your mother and father wondering whats taking me so long. my mother and father knowing something is going through my head. i look back to you and i open my mouth and no words come out of my mouth. my mind is telling me to run and not look back. my heart is telling me this is not my person.

suddenly i zone back in. my eyes so focused on yours i can see your frustration with me. i open my mouth and the words i cant drip from my lips like honey. you open your mouth to tell me im crazy, but before you can get the words out im running down the isle. i push open the church doors and feeling of freedom fills my body. i get to the road and i think to myself where to now? i run down the alleys of the old city until i arrive to the beach.

i reach the edge of the beach where the water meets the sand and i just scream. i scream of things i could never tell you. i scream of things that made me feel unworthy. i scream of all the negativity that had filled my heart the last three years that consumed me. then i begin to cry. i start to realize all of the potential i hold. how much more i deserve. i scream to the moon i am worthy of a love that i give to others, and tell the stars of my hurt.

i finally feel as though i can breathe. with makeup running down my face i lay in the ocean and realize i am capable of more than i know. i tell myself to never settle for less than i deserve. for the first time in three years i feel like i can finally breathe. no more pressure to be someone im not. no more questioning my self worth. there is so much more in store for me. dont come find me. im chasing the sun.

~the runaway bride~