Same Mistakes

There's a constant urge to organize my thoughts because all I do is think. I used to say my favorite thing to do was "nothing" but now I know it was thinking I was doing. I need time to process and understand my thoughts and writing helps draft that out.

All I do is listen to the voice in my head (mostly just mine) and even though I wish I could just download all the words to text, I cherish the fact that only the ringing thoughts, the realest shit makes it out my mind.

There's a constant growth that makes looking back at my old notes and pieces so cringe and even though I understand myself and where I was coming from because I decided a long time ago I wouldn't hold back when it came to writing, it's still hard not to judge.

I have ye ole dilemma of feeling like I need to be in the worst place to truly produce greatness; the suffering seems to give me life even though I know it's just a crutch like booze or ouid.

Even though I think of stuff every day, I tell myself there's not enough time to write because there's a constant nagging feeling of guilt when I spend time exploring my own mind and it's mixed with my aversion to introspection. Well, part of that is due to living in a dying capitalistic society that values "productivity" over the natural urge to rest and reflect, but I digress.

I have like 12 notebooks, a million half thoughts, 7 different projects and pieces I'll get to eventually and-

I feel overwhelmed in this caged brain of mine but also liberated because my thoughts, my imagination are what make uniquely myself and the older I get, the more comfortable I am with being me. It's not a competition, life that is. It's an experience only I can have for myself while the people and creatures around me have theirs.

It's a weird thing living, am I right?