Ruin Me

From strangers to friends

From friends to lovers

I sold my soul to someone who never wanted it

He kissed me forcefully, messy it was

His devilish eyes stared into mine ¨I´m sorry¨ he said

His breath releasing cigarette smoke,

my mascara and eyeliner running down my face as we sat on the opposite side of the bathtub

Where I wanted to drown he held my head

I blinked down tears as I watched them fall into the water

¨You do this to me¨ he said

His fingers strained along my legs

The bruises that trailed along my body, but I still loved him

I lost myself again playing his childish games

One did nothing wrong the other did nothing right

His screams that strained my ears

Both a problem but we blamed each other every night

Drugs he abused an lied of a cheating life

I wanted a husband, he never wanted a wife

We love to hate each other, grew to want to kill each other

He crawls on the floor filled with heroin and Xanax

"YOU DISGUST ME" I yelled

"SHUT UP" he screamed

Another thing in common we reacted in spite,

Neither would back down creating a verbal fight,

You once told me that you wished you loved me better back then,

I wished I would've loved myself back then too because I would have never stayed to be hurt again

I once told you we were bad for each other but you laughed

"Like Sid and Nancy" you said

I won't forget when you held a knife to my neck

His eyes were muted and every time I would look in them I'd see the reflection of my own

Evil but pure

Why do I crave the hurt?

Not any hurt, just yours.

Why do I feel the most calm when you tell me the things you'll do?

It must be fate

I stopped sleeping with you

You decided to leave and I'm finally free.

Now that we part ways I wish you the best in life