Road Rage!!!

Imagine you're on your way to work. You’re running late, so as you bound in and out of lanes attempting to make up time your eyes fixate on the upcoming intersection. You’re an experienced speeder so you notice the crosswalk countdown for pedestrians heading in the same direction of travel. 5… 4… 3… in your estimation there is plenty of time to make it through. 2… 1… even at zero the light is just about to turn yellow and today yellow means speed up not slow down.

Unfortunately, the car in front of you does not prescribe to the same level of procrastination-induced recklessness that your tardiness is invoking, and it abruptly lays on its brakes. It’s completely stopped and the light is still yellow, only your quick reactions have prevented you from becoming a backseat passenger.

Enraged and furious, your hand clinches into a fist, slamming into your dashboard. 12 letter word! 7 letter word! And every 4 letter word is hurled out of your mouth bouncing off of your closed windows!

The driver ahead of you seems completely oblivious to your presence and definitely unaware that you will lose your job if you are late. As this is not the first, second, or even third time this has happened this month.

How could someone be this thoughtless, inconsiderate of other people, selfish even?

With your blood boiling, the light turns green, and yet there is no movement from the car in front of you. The veins on your head begin to pulsate, and smoke may very well be coming out of your ears. You plan to honk your horn longer and louder than anyone has ever honked a horn before. And that’s when it happens. The driver begins to turn in their seat.

“Now you want to acknowledge my existence.”

The driver continues to turn around and begins to reach to their floorboard, grasping blindly for something. This is not your first rodeo, so recognizing the escalation your hand immediately opens your middle console and rests upon the cold metal of your 40 caliber pistol.

The glare on the back window makes it hard to see clearly but it appears they have found what they were looking for. Cortisol-induced craze blankets your eyes. Adrenaline pumps through your body as you prepare for the showdown.

All of a sudden they begin to move. But of course, let’s pull to the side of the road or better yet, in some empty parking lot, no one needs to witness this. As the car moves forward and the glare begins to reseed, you see it pointed right in your direction.

There has been a third set of eyes fixated on you this entire time from the backseat. Caught by surprise, your snarling glare begins to soften. They’ve got the jump on you and the crooked smile coming from the one in the back knows it.

But there is no contempt, only a gesture to the sky as the freshly recovered bottle is offered to you for comfort.

Shameful your head lowers, and as it does for the first time you see the window sticker. “Baby on Board”