Resuscitation (poem)

Life is a beautiful adventure.

A twisting maze of winding paths, crossroads, dead ends, and deceptively straight lines.

It’s a wild cacophony of experiences. An orgy of souls making their way around everywhere and nowhere.

Where they start and where they end doesn’t matter.

It’s a beautiful adventure all the same.

Such is the view from my cage.

I see laughter, and joy, and sorrow, and pain, and love, and anguish, and more.

More.

So much more.

They live and feel so boldly. So freely.

They are free.

I’ve been bitter in my prison. I’ve lashed out. I’ve fought myself. I’ve burned.

Now I am numb.

And still, I look out through this cage of conformity and expectations, and I long.

For what?

This dirty and ugly experience?

This chaotic mess that pierces everyone’s heart?

For this necklace of misery decorated with fleeting glimmers of joy?

For the comradery of the suffering?

The warmth of others?

The hopeful moments?

To be human.

To be free.

*sigh*

Some of them are almost as dim as I am.

Others burn bright.

Impossible to look away from.

Wildfires.

So full of all of it.

The good and the bad. Their hearts on their sleeves.

Open to life like no other, and open to pain like no other.

Don’t they know it’s dangerous?

Don’t they see they’ll hurt themselves?

Why, my heart races so?

Why, my eyes burn so?

How do they do it?

I wish I was special.

I wish she would look at me.

See me.

Appreciate me.

Pull me out.

Ah.

A momentary madness in a sea of despair.

Something to hold on to.

Something to drown in.

I look out through the bars of this cage and I see the prime spirit of freedom that I long for and those who embody it.

An avatar of life as it’s meant to be.

I see her, but she doesn’t see me.

Why would she?

There is nothing to see here. Only cold ash of fire long dead.

What sins earned me this fate?

Why, the voices of reason guided me so?

And why, oh why, do I still choose to stay?