Remember You

Sometimes I think about you.

I think about it all.

The warmth of that Summer and the way the clouds Pillowed just before a rain storm on a night of reflection. So full of the promise of something to come, something bad and Dark. Whilst looking so full and so, so Beautiful.

Just like Us. Just like

You.

15 Lines in the grass created the Grid of my backyard.I should have thanked the landscaper for that visual distraction. I sat outside, then, Recounting the lines, re-centering.Focusing on the low thunder and the promise it would bring of the

Dark. of the Bad.

I kind of got that same promise with you, that Feeling. But I felt it much deeper in my soul, much less Overt. Not as looming as the clouds. My hands bent down and felt the blades of grass slide through my fingertips. Almost effortlessly, but with a slight resistance as my thumb moved up the strands.

Just like with you.

Everything felt almost good, Almost.When we sat on the couch together, holding hands while watching Your favorite show. Sitting in silence after a seemingly pointless argument, relieved it was over but waiting for the next one. Almost Fine. Almost Relaxing. Almost Whole.

Like the full clouds that we knew would grow dark but weren't yet, that we knew would be bring the bad. Almost Always.

Like the blades of grass in my 15 line backyard that would be slightly resistant to my touch. Almost Always.

When I sat outside that day after you left my house, I was looking at those clouds, feeling that grass. Replaying our conversations in my head. That's how I remember moments with you. Almost Always.

And then, you came back on the same day to say sorry, and we fought again, and I realized the darkness was there already and the bad cloud was coming and my fingers weren't gliding so smoothly over that blade of grass, and that they never were, and we were still just sitting on that couch again in the silence. Under the rain cloud and between the blades, Just inside instead of out. Waiting for whatever this was to consume us, consume Me.

That's how I remember You.