Red.

Red, a heart softly pulsating so close to the very core of you that you almost think it’s your own. Two that once were one but are now soon to become two. Almost separate yet forever a part of one another. Inseparable, two halves of the same heart. Love at its purest, gentlest, precious, most innocent. Mother and child co existing together and co creating the sweetest symphony. A love so strong it brings life into being. A babies cry so shriek yet so soothing. Music to ones heart.

Red, sticky, sweet, enticing the glazed look of toffee apples, which entice you like a bee to the honey pot. The smell of the fairground so yummy and enticing. Candy floss, fried onions, mixed with laughter and heavy diesel in the air. Wide eyes, an excited beating heart wide open, full of awe and wonder. Hook a duck promising that everyone will go home a winner. The lucky ones with a new golden fish called Fred! Full hearts, balmy evenings, how could life get any better than this fairground attraction! Childhood dreams a dizzy merry go round.

Red, the slow trickle of a broken heart. A cut you never knew was possible or that even existed. A pain so sharp it ironically leaves you numb and blunt. A slap to the face with a truth so harsh it not only leaves an imprint on your skin but it then slowly seeps into your heart. A hurt you didn’t know the name of comes knocking at your door. You try with all of you to keep it out. Yet somehow it has a key of its own and demands to leave until you acknowledge it by name. Good afternoon my name is Mr feeling ... and by feeling I mean feeling it all!

Red, the rage, the hurt, the pain, the confusion, the red mist descending and the first bricks being laid in the walls we call defense. So subtle at first that we don’t even realise we have laid them. Like little Red Riding Hood we wrap that cloak around us tightly hoping we won’t be seen by big teeth that might gobble us all up on one go! Our cloak of invisibility to protect us from the World outside. The jibes, the insults, the making me feel like I am small, wrong, lacking and not enough, stealing all my innocence from me. But it’s ok... with this cloak I tell myself I’m out witting them. What once I felt beautiful and invincible in soon becomes my bullet proof vest and today those shots won’t get in! Until ...

Red, blood everywhere, I can’t stop it! I try to quell the bleed. I try a plaster, a swab, then a tornaqy... still it comes. The light is fading, I hear a distant beep beep beep and muffled voices humming in the distance. I want to sleep, I’m tired, I don’t want to wake up to fight anymore. I try my best to roll over, to restart my dream and feel at peace once more. Until suddenly I’m awake. Wide awake! Startled by the loudness of the truth and the debris. I’m in shock ...it’s me literally bleeding all over the floor. It’s my heart that is Broken. The cloak has failed me and is of no use anymore. My blood has drenched it redder than before and I cannot see where it begins and I end.we are one and the same. My hiding place has gone. The game is over. 4,3,2,1 hide and seek found you! There I am quivering naked, raw, vunerable and terrified in the corner.

Red, a balloon floating up high in a clear blue sky. Freedom and a lightness so addictive. Up above the World so high like a diamond in the sky. From up here I can see so clearly. I have a new perspective and it belongs to me. The darkness has faded as I head towards the sun. I embrace my own unique colour and fly in all my glory. A sight to behold in contrast to the blue sky. I am mostly alone, it’s a journey I must embark upon. A voyage of self discovery. Letting go, seeing where the wind may take me. Fighting is futile here. It’s time to simply be and float instead of sinking as before.

Then one day as I float 99 red balloons go by and in that moment I know I am not alone. I have fought hard to find my own colour and be true to myself. It’s time now to come back down to Earth, to breath. To allow someone to look at me at reach out and bring me home. I’m ready. It’s my time. To allow someone in and to look at me like I’m all they ever wanted. I am loved, I am safe. I no longer need a cloak to hide. Now my cloak is one of many colours and just like a peacock it is a part of me. I fan it out and shine my light and can finally say... this is me!