red

Have your own hands ever betrayed you?

Mine call out like bloody murder

What have I done? Why haven't I stopped?

I can't see. I can't think. Fuck, I'm not even breathing.

But my hands continue

My mind gripped to this sensation of red

The satisfaction of friction now locked in my head

Now imprinted all across my body

MY body

My body that feels like a war zone

Painted red by layers of attack

Left wounded, bloody, and vulnerable

Always on edge, not a moment to relax

Even when I drift into dreams I wake too late

They're already here

Leaving me splattered red.

How do you stop a parasite that lives in your head?

Feeding off your fear- cause you're not in control

You don't hold the ropes and you're fucking scared

Deep breathe in

Deep breath out

How do you stop a parasite that lives in your head?

Maybe I don't have to live in my head?

The ground does feel firm

I'll try here instead...

My feet have been through all the unseen

All around, up, down, left, right, and inbetween

It feels safe right here where Earth and me meet

Like old friends

And still this feeling of red

Not screaming, not like in my head

This is dark Earth, this is raw red

Held as clay in the sculptors hands

Ah yes, now I understand.

My skin, my mold

How Earth shaped my beauty to unfold