Read when you miss someone

Hello Again,

I miss you, too. I know it’s been a while and both of our lives have changed. Funny, though, how many things have stayed the same. We’re in the same places and feel the same ways with different people. You know I’m always rooting for you, right? You’ve been doing some really amazing things and it makes everyone really proud of you.

Haven’t set the wifi up in my new apartment even though I’ve been here five months already. On my cell phone hotspot all the iMessages from the past week are rolling into my laptop: “Good morning!” “Wish you were here.” We said we’d never message each other again so I promise I won’t send this to one of your many email addresses.

No more paint in my toolbox so I’ve started drawing with markers. R. gave me long rolls of seismograph paper that I hung strips of up on the wall. Positive affirmations like “I am safe & comfortable” and “Life is full of wonder” and “We care about each other.” Things that grow, things that fly, things that go. I drew strawberries, lemons, hyacinthoids; a bird and a bug, a plane and a UFO; an old sedan, a bicycle, the arm of someone out of frame. I told my coworker that I’m casting spells and drawing sigils.

This month I made a short videopoetry series on TikTok. A few years ago I took a moment almost every day to really sit down and deep read a poem, film myself speaking it aloud, and spend even more time with it editing the video. It made me feel so good! I wanted to return to that. The fyp has also been showing me a lot of dating/love content (don’t even ask for the details of my life that brought that on lofl) so I chose to put my videopoems in conversation with that content on the app.

Interacting with these poems and applying a unique lens that only existed because of the social media context the pieces were being generated in was not only a challenging exercise for me but also an opportunity to put caring energy into the universe and communicate carefully with dear ones who may receive it. Thankful, thankful.

Some of the ways I’ve acted have not been okay. I’m sorry. But time has passed and I’ve grown. You said that’s what you marveled at first, my youth and beauty. But didn’t you get tired of being young? I love your playful spirit and the curiosity that drives you but I also love the safety you create for those you hold under your wing. You inspire me to keep going.

Our mutual friend taught me something important that I’ll never forget: We’ve all done something terrible to somebody else. There’s always people out there who only remember the bad parts and there will be no redemption. I know that’s not the case here: Why else would you be reading this? I forgive you, too.

It’s National Poetry Month and the biggest thing ever in my “poetry career” has happened. A very special poet, curator, and leader in our city selected my poem to be a part of the Seattle Office of Arts & Culture’s public art campaign for the occasion and another impactful community builder and artist designed the postcards, posters, and installation elements. Along with four other incredible writers and community members, I have my work portrayed at a physical location. I’ve visited each of the sites. They’re powerful — bringing me joy, reflection, calm, anger, and (most of all) pride.

I visited my poem installation on April 1 with R. I felt like Margot Robbie at the movie theater in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. It was really nice and reminded me that quietly sharing poetry is all I really care about and brought me a lot of happiness. The feeling prompted me to return to Instagram poetry, which was the way I first shared my work starting in 2016.

For the first few weeks of the month, I sat down and wrote a new poem every day and shared it on the app. It became a new intellectual challenge and a way to carefully share my tender feelings for people who pay attention to me that I otherwise wouldn’t be able to communicate.

What’s something that made you proud lately? What’s something that brought you joy? I want to hear all about it. Comment below if you want to.

All the emotions and care I’ve felt this month reminded me of my Field Notes practice I started a few years ago as part of an artist cohort with the Operating System and Liminal Lab. I started writing a series documenting my art practice and projects while trying to reach a few special people across social media platforms and communication modes. I called it Notes in a Bottle.

I’m going to continue the series now. While I’ve been paying attention and watching you all along, I’ll speak up so you can be sure. It’s okay to miss each other. Sometimes there’s nothing else we can do.

Talk to you soon,

Joe

P.S. In addition to posting semi-regular Notes in a Bottle over the next year, I’m also going to be republishing my old Note in a Bottle Field Notes entries on Vocal :) I love nostalgia

P.P.S. I showed your video to my friend. He didn't say anything (he's quiet like that and I love learning how he communicates) but I could tell he was very impressed.