Rainbow

You’re 7, you love dresses

but only blue, black, and green ones.

Never pink.

You want to build a fort

a blanket fort

where the american girl doll has tea with the blue power ranger

together they build the tallest lego tower ever

You want to play dress up

wear a red cowboy hat with a purple tulle skirt

while you bravely defend the princess

shouting BOTH! in every language gender gave you

You’re 10, and alone at recess

you’ve already learned to hate parts of yourself

name them “feeling like a boy”

resolve to never be this hurt again.

A year later you’re at summer camp

an eighth grade boy asks you to walk with him

When you say no, that doesn’t sound like fun

his rage comes out through his eyes

staring beams of ice into the back of your head

holding his gaze

for the rest of the night

Mom says that he must have liked you

and you learn that your baggy t-shirts and shorts

are no longer enough camouflage

You have to hide your personality, too.

Still, some boys think they are Christopher Columbus

as if you didn’t exist

until they named you “pretty”

named you “attractive”

named you “girl.”

You still believe you can’t be “attractive” without “girl.”

You know how to be costume beautiful

You’re good at performing

But everyday beautiful feels like being squished

into a box

your awkwardly long limbs will always find a way to stick out of.

elbows first

You are 19 when you learn

you can name yourself

the box is only cardboard after all

rip it open and stand up

stretch out those long limbs

You know that space has always been there

You are not Christopher Columbus

But holy shit you can’t wait to explore

When light shines through a window

it’s just light

but through a prism, it becomes a rainbow

Never diminish yourself for anybody.

Stop slicing the prism into respectable panes

No -

You deserve to be whole.

Shouting BOTH! in every language gender gave you.