Pushing for a reset

Here I am again.

Standing outside, looking in.

Sitting the sidelines as the game winds down.

Having hardly ever gotten to push play in my own movie.

This movie that is my life.

Yet it is playing. It is spooling out. Coming closer and closer to an empty reel.

I grab with both hands, trying to slow the rope of my life, it’s speed is not slowed, burning my hands as it spools out.

The script has been written, it seems, in ink. My vain attempts at altering it continuously failing.

Again and again I’m forced to adhere to a direction not of my choosing.

What force would it take for me jump the track that I’ve been locked into?What monumental pressure do I need to exert to write my own future?

As easily as some seem to do.

By observation, over a lifetime, the conclusion becomes all to clear to me.

Life is not fair. Nor will it ever be. One misstep decades ago, something so beyond my control at the time has molded my entire existence. I have never really been able to get out of it’s shadow.

How easily some dismiss what was done. “Oh just get over it” they say, sitting their high horse. Little do they understand how much trauma can literally rewire the brain. Flipping a switch that cannot be reversed.

So yes the grass is much greener for the lucky ones.

Though most don’t know it.