psych ward confessionals

the alarm murmurs in the background to the point where i can successfully drown out the noise.

the atmosphere here is thick and dense with suffering, pain and heart ache.

people longing for attention; longing for someone to just listen.

it's all sadness up here.

it's desperation up here.

and i'm in the midst of it.

there is something about it.

you know?

and you only know if you've been there...

when your basic human rights have been taken away.

it's degrading, it's humiliating and it's inhumane.

it's not supposed to happen. not here in a free country at least.

you hear stories overseas of people being abducted and the horrors that follow.

but i'm here. in my own city. i can see that local bakery i used to love.

i can see through the bright window to the people walking around freely.

what do they know of my suffering?

flashes of getting undressed me without my consent

surges of overwhelming feelings when i realized they were now in charge of my every move.

the defeat in my heart when i realized that compliance was the only way.

it all poured out onto my body the affects of these things, especially my heart.

my heart has been broken in the past.

those people were out to hurt me and i knew it was so.

these people smile, laugh and put on the façade of helping you.

helpful to your face and as soon as they think that you're out of ear shot they laugh about you.

it's not cool.

it's insanity that this can still happen in 2021.