pretty little thing

loving people with simple names,

those who play complex love games

is like loving a flame long after it goes out

is like loving a lover who's only gifted you doubt

---

I make so many mistakes

I take responsibility for uncovering complexities

project treasure maps onto their being

insist that if I just searched hard enough I'd find what I'm seeing

& I see wild possibilities -

I want to be the spark that reignites their fire

but when you push for growth all you grow is ire

in the garden of their heart. I want to be fertilizer

want to dig a well deep into the center of my love and carry water for miles

however long, however far I must travel

if I can help their flowers bloom I'd gladly unravel

---

you don't want to see me unravel

you're afraid of my power

so instead I'll lie down next to you

and try with all my might to be a pretty little thing

even though I know I'll fail so magnificently,

for I am not little.

no, my nature is fickle

I am a poem

I am a song

I am a dance and a yawn

I am inexplicable,

involuntary & purposeful

I am all of existance existing in an instant

I am a gift, a body which is present

I am slippery

I am oneness by way of duality

& I do all of this beautifully

but it's not often pretty, and

"I am not just one thing!" I sing

and I sing and I sing to the stars

I sing 'till my voice is raw, I sing

"I am all of the things!"

...

and I'd like to be yours

but you're afraid of my shadow

so instead I'll run on all fours

into the forest by the sea

run like I'm escaping Eden

just like ma Lilith before me

who ran from a man who tried to keep her below him.

there I'll build a den under old trees

make a grim promise to the earth

to be messy, and expansive, and as complex as a trillion galaxies

even (and especially) if it means you won't love me.