Poem: Pill for This

I scream saying, "It's too hard to love you,"

thinking its too much, when you tell me that

you come with a warning label.

That your body is wrapped in yellow tape,

big black letters to scare me that you will

enter my mind, know my body through

every shape & every cervice.

You act like you will break me,

soil me into the ground, replant my body,

drown it in water, & feed me your

blood to keep me on your leash.

Yet, haven't I ever mentioned I am a Queen?

A Queen who's body has

been used to feed the peasents,

conquer lands of fairytales

& cotton candy dreams?

Sprinkled with chocolate syrup

& a tiny little imaginary pill

to control my imaginary friends

settled in my head.

As they pour tea down my throat,

play imaginary upside down chairs,

float on clouds of smoke,

hide my frown with a smile,

& cut me open to show you

I come with a warning label.

Loving me comes with a warning,

I will give you emotions you have

never felt before, show you different

parts of me, play games with your head

like its a game of chess

then it becomes cat & mouse.

I will bring you to your knees

to worry about me, eventually

learning every part of your mind

& body but I could tell you I love

you then leave you without

a letter, phrase, sentence

or a wave of goodbye.

Loving me is a warning,

loving me is a fright,

its a terrible thing to waste

love on me because loving me

is a warning.

I can ruin you & you would never

notice the difference in the

mirror.

The sunking of your eyes,

the guilt in your chest that

I teared inside of you like a tapeworm

beginning to grow.

I am a warning to love,

I can say I love you

& get over you in a day,

push out my tears,

moving forward

as though your handprints

never touched me.

The smell of your cologne

never reaching my pillow

but I always leave my mark

even with those that

have told me your words;

if they left they wouldn't

mourn my loss or feel

heartbreak.

My warning label cuts deep,

it lives in my hands, my tongue that

slithers into your ear like a snake,

or my brown eyes that drown

you into a ocean of deep shark

infested waters that feed

onto your emotion.

Feeding onto your heart.

What else do I have to lose?

When I know how to play mind

games, recieve what I must,

twirl you like spaghetti,

one day be an ocean of emotion.

Don't you see?

I come with

a warning label of my own,

one that I created from birth,

I steal hearts & I break them.

I wonder if there is a pill for this,

a pill for damning myself into damnation,

kissing strangers on their cheeks in my

dreams, drowning myself on cupcake

iodine & frosting medication for depression.

You don't know me,

or how cold my body can be,

you dont know the personalities

that live inside me.

One is a ghost passing through,

creating pain, misery & jokes,

but my other side is quiet,

simple, & free with creativity.

I break everyone I meet,

slowly but surely, I will make

you hurt, I will try to break

your heart to heal my own,

I will say I want to break up,

say yes then no.

My heart is a warning,

my bipolar a gift,

I'll make your skin melt,

then make you pull my

skeleton from the drain,

repair my body back

into its bat-shaped

coffin burying me

into a graveyard of lilies.

I am a broken soul,

but you should know,

sometimes I fake emotion,

to show I am human,

to show that I care,

the warning is my personality

is not what it seems.

You staring into the mirror

of a girl that was once a canvas,

whose's body has turned into a cocoon,

I have faked happiness with you

but not my saddness & never anger.

Never love but I have never felt

happiness, every happy trial

has been a high but not a low,

Its been a manic in every cherry soda,

in every kiss.

I don't know what happiness is,

Its my first time realizing it,

as I recite lines, & try to make

sense of an emotion that I can't

understand.

My highs are a feel of fake happiness,

excitement & joy but the lows are just

as real as the strangers in my dreams

that violate me.

I deceive everyone I meet

because a girl without emotion

is just another mannequin waiting to

be clothed & to be loved.