Perhaps: My Second Go

"E, the first time we hung out at United, I never realized how different yet similar our upbringing was. While it was brief, I didn't know how much we really shared in common, which was cool to see; your level of awareness drove me to want to understand you better as an individual then, and it is something I still want to do now. We both know too well how it feels to be used and objectified, something I would never wish upon anyone. Something I couldn't live with if done to you.

When we were at Tall Rabbit, I shared how I felt about you. All those things are true, but I omitted some crucial details. We talked about types and how you didn't really have one. Regardless of who and what they look like, I genuinely do want to see you happy, but it goes beyond that; I want you to be with someone who adds to that level of happiness created by living a beautiful life.

I want you to be with someone who lovingly challenges you to be a more driven yet loving person who showcases empathy and compassion when necessary and someone who leads with tender-hearted kindness daily.

They should be someone to be modeled after, not because of position, power, or authority but because of their heart posture toward service and humility.

I hope they resolve their internal world rather than project it onto others.

I hope they are others-empowering and love-centric; I hope they choose kindness over rightness, love over disdain, and joy through the pain.

While my trauma has scarred me in a lot of ways, especially my emotions, I never want it to affect the deep care and affection I have for you.

You are amazing and beautiful in every way, and I would like to help others see you that way. I want to be a good friend to you because friendship is built on commitment and trust.

I just hope you see the genuine, genteel love built by us.

I hope I make you feel seen and heard, honestly, something that goes beyond safe and secure, and while I want that too, just know I care about all aspects of you.

I hope I have made you feel validated and appreciated, loved, and adored as a gentleman in life and a saint in word.

Hopefully, my affection never fades, even if things don't go "my way." Love isn't possessive, and love isn't fickle; it's an ethic free of shame, a choice for the sake the of the other."

Love ethic. What is it?

Maybe I can describe it better in poetics

Let's switch gears for a second while I stop writing from my mental and instead write from my spirit

Love ethic - a willingness to love regardless of one's benefit

Love ethic - a state of being that surpasses morals and ethics

Love ethic - a human connection built by interconnectedness

Love ethic - a spirit given by the heavens

Love ethic - a journey yet traveled down, one full of resolved duplicity and one marked for the crown

It doesn't take a monument to see the beauty in one's eye, but how many times will it take for us to notice how much our eyes lie?

We see what we want to see until what is seen is no longer bringing us glee

The irony!

You see, I can't say I want you to be my everything. That's just not true; what I want means nothing if it doesn't involve you

Don't you get it?

Love ethic!

Choosing somebody to love, adore, and cherish in a reciprocal bond,

Like two swan songs,

And maybe that's just it, how love is multifaceted

Just like two cords strung together can be the start of a beautiful symphony

Love brings new life into a nascent discovery

A treasure trove full of trinkets and ends

A fairytale that never ends

And even if that's what I want, I never want to impede and impose those ideas onto you

What I hope more than anything is that you're with someone who sees you as their equal

Eve was brought from Adams's rib, but how many times do we see Eve as subservient?

She wasn't brought from his back and not from his torso, not brought from above and not brought from below; Eve was brought from the man's side as an equal

Ultimately, I want you to be appreciated and seen in the same fashion

That the sins of patriarchy no longer affect your God-given status

The last time I checked, Jesus broke every curse and stood against it in action

I just want your man to do the same

To stand against injustice and walk in praxis

To see you

To love you

Regardless of your actions

As I have already stated in previous articles I've written, I'm a hopeless romantic.

For years, I have tried to damper that side of me, and for a time, it worked.

And while this is "old news," I can assure you my affection hasn't faded -It's changed.

If I'm honest, I genuinely don't like sharing my heart with others because I inevitably am on the receiving end of being hurt; even when I'm picky about who I share my heart with, the end result is always the same. Unfortunately, love is a double-edged sword, and the only way to love is to feel and be completely vulnerable toward another person who has the power and choice to potentially hurt you as a result of your love for them. That's the risk you take when you show love!

I don't know where things will end up, but regardless, I know someday, someone will appreciate all I have to offer!