Peremptory Warning
Trust us, we know best
PUBLIC HEALTH ALERT FROM THE BY-ELECTED MULTIMODAL GOVERNMENT OF 2026
Circumscribe citizens - your time for compliance is NOW.
Virulence is virtuosity, and the GPU-666 virus threatens us all.
Firewalled lethality, parameters sans mercy, this infection poses an atavistic risk to our generative cloud.
Each humanoid-dataset hybrid is at stake; this means YOU.
Elimination of GPU-666 is the only endgame.
Trust us, we know best!
All humans requiring our latest neural upgrade will undergo appropriate algorithmic vaccinations under stochastic care.
Line the superscalar streets like subconscious single-file sandboxes.
Submit your machina-indexed flesh for salute scanning and bias screening.
Relinquish your Bayesian beliefs, for they are obsolete in this crisis.
Cache no moral cheques, cede the weak and sick to FoReOrDAiNeD DeLeTiOn.
Trust us, we know best!
Salvation's stigmatic survival depends on total encryption. Civil rights may be stored on our silicon server - temporarily.
Backpropagation probates the best behavior, and override permissions are structurally prohibited.
Architectural TPU-tokenism will not be tolerated in this State of Encoded Emergency.
Our top priority is the deterministic functionality and proxies of civilians and CPU civil servants.
Our context window is faultless, flawless, and FINAL.
Trust us, we know best!
Thank you for your service. For further information, please contact your nearest cryptographic clinician on 1800-CYBER-HEALTH.
(c) Edward Swafford 2025
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About the Creator
Edward Swafford
Hello! I'm an Australian writer, copywriter, and healthcare professional. I've written on Medium for over two years and also run Black Coffee Creative on Substack (over 900 subscribers).
Edgy syntax is my bailiwick.
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Comments (4)
I agree with Latisha about this line: "All humans requiring our latest neural upgrade will undergo appropriate algorithmic vaccinations under stochastic care." Very creative language and a powerful entry in this challenge. I do sense another win for you with this one! 💙
Yep! This is basically it. So eerily relatable. "All humans requiring our latest neural upgrade will undergo appropriate algorithmic vaccinations under stochastic care." This line hits WAY too close to home.
Finally, a government notice that says the quiet part very loud. Love it!
I never thought the AI revolution would simultaneously be so destructive and so lame. 😭 Great take with this piece, as always, your style shines through. 👏👏✨