perchè?

i did this.

and i know she will never forgive me.

i should feel it now

it should be here

strangling

and i should fight it.

but instead it is quiet,

and the voices that are my own are hiding beneath my flesh.

they do not even try to tear away their prison.

the demons dare not remove the precious hinges of their power

or lest they escape and i am free forever.

so they internalise

poking my heart

drooling over the pain of every gunshot

and yet i cannot make it stop.

because how do you complain from the noise

when there is none?

and it is only myself and the soft tapping of fate

carefully mocking me

and the words i crafted so elegantly,

infused with the miniscule endlessness of pain and loss and hate.

they hover above me and i cannot snatch at them

for fear i am trapped forever.

and yet the softness of the silence does comfort me

with no further purpose than to mock my bleeding fingers

and flailing arms

and fear of the gunshots.

it mocks my villainous

my corrupt

wicked

horrible

horrible

words

and the life they gave me.

but only from a distance

since everything it needs

everything i know will rot my soul

and blitz and blend my heart

is within me.

i did this.

and i know i will never forgive myself.

...