Peeling away layers

My body is wrapped in layers of despair,

One for each year I’ve breathed.

Holding me tight and sound.

That some days I can’t find air.

The layers are hard and soft,

Like a steal trap,

And a soft wool blanked.

It’s a false sense of safety.. since I’m lost.

As the year goes on,

I find the need to strip of the traumas,

Shake down the burden inside.

Least I find myself good and gone.

Scratch away one speck at a time,

Relieving each past crime.

Trying hard to let it all go,

But the process is so slow.

Muscles hold traumas deep down inside,

His words still vibrate in my ears.

I wish it wasn’t true.

But even I can feel my silent tears.

My poor shoulders have carried to much,

That my spine is bending out of place.

Pinching off the nerves and joints,

Keeping me still in my glass case.

I want to ask him,

To crush out the trauma, take it all away,

Relieve me of this horrid pain.

Let me find the air to breathe again.

Yet I know it does not work this way,

I must find the source deep within,

To grieve and heal myself.

And well I deeply want it now,

My body aches for me to slow it down.