Panic...

Your in my space and I don't know why;

Please go away; don't make me cry;

Panic rising, welling in the pit of my stomach;

Anxiety gripping my chest as the attack strikes;

My eyes go wide as all the implications and possible outcomes surface to my brain;

"This isn't as bad as the last time." I tell myself. "You've calmed yourself before and you can and will do it again."

My head is spinning; I feel dizzy and sick to my stomach too.

I've gotten so good at hiding it no one even knew;

Can't breath, need to sit down...

since my head is spinning around.

This time I'm at work & I've stepped outside so there's a mixture of concrete and a small patch of earth.

Breathing deeply in and out feeling my chest rise and fall like I've been taught to do I reach out to feel her dirt.

I need to feel her, Mother Earth, she's cold this day like the concrete but not as cold.

I can feel her warmth and I feel her heart beat, there is a pulse that beats underneath her if you just listen to her story that is rarely told.

She has been here since the beginning of time and as I feel her softness and coolness I wish I were in one of her forests.

Mother Earth was created by God and together as one they understand; in the forest they sing of happiness and love in a song of chorus.

I just want to dig my toes into her soft mossy earth and run along her riverbeds;

But for now I will just touch this patch of mossy grass, breath deeply and think of my happy place which could be just around the river bend.