Painted Boxes

I have always been rigid

Set in my ways

I find it way too difficult to change

I draw lines for myself. I make boxes

I get inside them and refuse to leave

Change is inevitable, I know

If I don’t change, how will I grow?

But I have spent way too long being lost in my head

These old boxes, I don’t know how to leave them behind

My rigidity keeps bothering me

But it also keeps me safe

I can be so much more

But change terrifies me

I paint the old boxes to make myself feel better

New colours, renewed life

But I am well aware

That I am only fooling myself

I am doing nothing but moving in circles

There are people in my life

They try to make me forget these boxes

But the old and familiar calls to me

I find it impossible to stay

I find it difficult to leave

How do I align my inner world

With the outer world?

How do I make my voice heard?

Stage fear, trembling voice

The quickening of my heartbeat

I was never made for the limelight

I was always the quiet kid

And now I am my words

I am trying to change

Every single day

But I don’t know what I am supposed to be chasing

Being true to myself? Happiness? Success?

My inner world is too loud

The outer world is like a whisper

I wish I could find a space to align them

To grow but not lose myself.

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