Pain's Clutch

There's a point in your life

Where you have to make a huge decision

Start to try...

Or fall

Deep

And hide

Forever...

It's tough to know what to do

At this point

It seems silly to give up

But somehow

The darkness is inviting

It seems to capture my mind

Its slender fingers pull me in

It hugs me with razor sharp spikes

But I relax into it

I let the pain clutch my soul

But then I look at you

I see I cannot stay this way

I won't cry around you

I don't know why my tears hide

But so much of me has choked up inside

Part of me wants to open my heart

Let it all flow out

Tell you my hurt

My fears

Why I am distracting myself

In every way possible

But my eyes are scared to cry

While I look into yours

But the more I hold it in

I feel the anger crawl under my skin

I feel it sift into my eyes

It takes over my tongue

I cannot hide so easily

My words are like stabby knives

I cannot look at you

I do not want to see the wounds form

I cannot help myself

I am weak in the dark

I run my claws up my legs

Pain begged me to be its friend

For days I denied it the pleasure of my company

For weeks I warded it off my back

For months I hid from it with substance abuse

Indulging to keep it at bay

But not long ago I surrendered to its feet

I thought maybe I needed it

Just like it told me years ago

"We belong together"

It coaxed me

"I will always be there for you"

It whispered to my soul

"Nobody else will love you like I do"

It taunted me

Day after day

Night after night

It drove me to believe

Nobody loved me

I shut it out

Try to forget it exists

But it wouldn't let me go

I need help

I cannot defeat it on my own

So I will crawl out of my despair

I will rise to the surface

And confess how pain

Has led me all this way

I shall leave it behind

To fend for itself

Now more love for it

No more hurt for me

At least...

I will try anyway

*

• One of my Haiku's: Slenderman