Only Darkness

All I have come to know is rage.

A simmering sort where the smallest flame

Threatens to turn me into an inferno—

Unfettered by reason,

Catalysed by nothing but the peak of some cycle

I cannot track or trace or call to heel.

I muzzle myself with distance,

A failsafe to protect the few

Who might try to embrace me

Despite the spittle and bared teeth.

I’ve metamorphosed into a beast,

Hatred filled and entirely

Unreasonable.

This is not a thing of beauty

Like some bug that's borne its wings,

It is an acidic thing that sours more

With time, a decomposition of

Palatability when it comes

To my personality.

I’ve yet to learn the methods

To tame myself in these times,

Not into obedience but simply

Into rationality.

I’ve gotten close enough to

Tolerable to engage with society

In micro doses before I slip

Back into my hovel and

Wait out my tempest like a winter storm.

I detest this variant of me,

This boiling, unhinged, unpredictable

THING

That brings to the light its opinions

Just to watch it flicker and diminish—

A bitter testament to if I cannot have it

I will make it vanish—some silly concept

About how I dare not witness hope

During these times where I can feel

Only darkness.