One Man War

Sometimes I get down on my hands and knees

And pray to a God that doesn't listen.

A deity I don't believe in,

Just to get something out into the void.

The voice that answers back is always my own.

It tends to tell me something that I already know,

But I never have the courage to heed its advice.

I count my blessings until they turn into curses,

Manifesting self-sabotage,

A self-fulfilled prophecy.

Messing with fate

Until it's nothing but a jumbled mess of atoms,

Going nuclear,

Blowing up in my face.

You would think that would be enough

To make me change,

But old habits die hard,

And I refuse to die until I find the answers.

I'll search the ends of the Earth internally

Until I come out on the other side.

I'll haunt this plane,

An eternal purgatory,

If that's what it takes

To discover my own abilities

For what they truly are.

Engaging in a never-ending war

Inside my mind;

At least I'm trying.