My “us” had grown from a pinprick: soft,
rippling, delicate. Yours held
edges that kept me like time,
hard as fences, steady
as foot falls. We laughed
at dwindling,
bubbling.
Then “us”
popped.
A/N: Now, three of these words are hard to count, syllable-wise. "Rippling," "dwindling," and "bubbling" could each be two or three syllables. It just depends on the reading, the sentence's context, or the regional pronunciation. I count them all as three.
Consider this author's note a plea for reasonable readerly inference. :D
*Edited the note for brevity.
About the Creator
Mackenzie Davis
“When you are describing a shape, or sound, or tint, don’t state the matter plainly, but put it in a hint. And learn to look at all things with a sort of mental squint.” Lewis Carroll
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FPS: The Last Flame Challenge Winners
Welcome to our first Winners Announcement of the year and to the final challenge in the Fall Poetry Series. The Last Flame invited writers to sit with endings, using fire as a central image to consider what remains when something burns out: ash, warmth, memory, silence, or the faint promise of what comes next. The strongest pieces treated endings as gradual rather than sudden, allowing them to flicker, dim, and linger.
By Vocal Curation Team5 days ago in Resources
Comments (9)
'Us' is almost like a bubble! I love that image! The sense of connection and love being shattered, popped and disappeared like a bubble on still water. Fantastic! 'Yours held edges that kept me like time' This is my favourite piece!
The smoothness of the sensory details was so pleasant to read and gave the ending quite an impact!
Love this Mackenzie, the author's note was also cause to smile! 😊
A beautiful poem, and a valid note
Beautiful piece, and I agree with the syllable count. Well done.
This is impossible gorgeous. Idk how to explain why but I feel like the tone was my favourite part. Also, as an Aussie I count those words as three syllables too😄
A stunning poem and an articulate author's note. This was really sad though, but as always, beautifully told. If anything, this is the most direct thing I've read by you, Mackenzie. Stunning nonetheless.
❤❤
I truly hope the judges take note of your Author's Notes. Loved your Nonet!