Once Upon A Nightmare

"Oh come on, baby"

A little coaxing here.

A little begging there.

Only listening to your own selfish wants and needs.

Ignoring my cries and pleading words.

I'm supposed to cave?

In the moment I know it's wrong.

I know I said the right words.

I know he heard me.

"I love you"

That's supposed to make this okay...

Right?

"I just need you"

I'm responsible for his needs...

Right?

If I don't give in, he'll find someone else.

I'm expendable.

I should just let him go.

"You're the only one for me"

"I want you"

But I said no...

"Tease"

He's getting angry now.

I should fix this.

"Please don't be mad, I love you too..."

(Right?)

"If you loved me you'd help me out right now"

"You did this to me"

It's my fault?

I run through the events of the night.

I didn't feel well.

I couldn't have led him on.

The only signs I portrayed was pain.

Is that what did it?

"Please I'm sorry. Not tonight"

"Bitch"

"You want me to get a little rough, is that it?"

"You like playing games"

"No. No I don't want that."

"Please let's just go to bed."

He's so angry with me.

He turns off the lights.

The tension still coming in waves that drown me.

He says to me,

like he has a smirk I can't see.

"Aren't you going to kiss me good night, love?"

I roll over. I lean in and say goodnight.

I go to give him a light kiss.

He instantly turns up the intensity.

I try to pull away.

He doesn't release me.

I start crying.

Tears he doesn't see.

He'll feel them against his face and stop.

Won't he?

He continues.

My head starts spinning.

His hands travel all up and down me.

I try again to pull away.

He doesn't let off me.

Not even an inch.

Like he knew I was trying to pull away.

But he couldn't...

Right?

He wouldn't push me.

He knows I don't want this.

He heard me say no.

His fingers go inside my underwear.

Finally he pulls away.

"You wore these for me"

"I want to make you feel good, baby"

I try to find his eyes in the darkness.

"No, please. I don't feel good"

"You started it."

"You can't tell me you don't want this"

"You don't want me"

His lips crush into mine again.

He begins moving his fingers more.

I begin to cry again.

I try to push him off me.

He pushes into me harder.

"You're so wet for me"

Am I? I don't want to be.

I don't feel good.

Not just from my sickness earlier.

I don't want this.

This isn’t okay.

He moves further.

Ripping my panties.

Pulling his boxers off.

I try one last time.

All of my hope.

"Please, I don't want this tonight."

"Please stop. I don't feel good"

"Your body tells me the opposite, baby"

He has a hold of my hips.

Then quickly.

He slams into me.

I'm frozen solid.

I feel something wet.

My tears are still falling.

I hear a gasping sound.

It's coming from me.

Not a gasping of enjoyment.

Then I hear another sound.

Between my gasps I'm still repeating,

"stop"

"please stop"

I hear him grunting.

He is definitely enjoying this.

"Yeah baby, you feel so good"

"You like this."

Not a question.

Does he not hear me?

Am I only making these noises

and speaking these words inside my head?

He's gripping my hips so tight

I know there will be bruising there for days to come.

I said those words out loud.

Right?

I didn't want this.

He didn’t stop.

He didn’t listen.

I'm frozen.

Why can't I move?

Those noises and words

that were coming from me...

They've stopped.

I’m silenced.

Why can't I scream?

Get up!

Run away!

Fight!

He finishes with a sigh.

"That was just what I needed"

"Thank you"

"Good night"

He kisses me.

He's on his side of the bed.

Asleep instantly.

I lay there.

In the same position he broke me.

What just happened?