On A Ledge

I can’t seem to touch the floor

You save me from drowning

Yet in my mind there is still war

I felt lost in myself so I ran

I forgot that life has meaning

I gave up on life because I can

Never thought I’d stumble here

Alone yet again in my mind

Never thought in the millionth year

As if disconnecting will bring peace

I assumed I had won, even in my absence

All I did was accumulate filthy grease

Finally you came along but I’m so fucked I can’t do it right

My head is spinning and I can’t appreciate living

All I want to do is beat myself and win this fight

I can’t tell if you’re a distraction, my future or a test

Looking for peace in the middle of this noise

I can’t tell if I’m losing what could be the best

Forgive me because I can’t control all of me

The self has never been a priority

I try my best to breathe and count to three

Yet I can’t stop how I feel and what I want

Your story makes me sad and I feel for you

Still I’m stuck in my head but I act nonchalant

I don’t want to disrespect you and I understand your boundaries now

Even still I’m physical and that’s my love language

So you know why I get so frustrated when you don’t allow

When I can’t love the way I feel that I must

Loving with my actions and my body

I feel hurt even when I know it’s just

I’m sorry I can’t be everything you want and more

I’m sorry I have trouble with my self control

I wish we were more open before

Speak to me more, don’t let me sit there frustrated

My depression gets worse like that, which isn’t your fault

But this is how I am, a bit overrated