Okay With That

OKAY WITH THAT

Wanting it to work

Hoping it will work

Trying to make it work

Longing for it to work

Dreaming

Striving

Before realizing

It’s not supposed to BE work.

Not like this at any rate.

Not in a way that leaves me waiting

Constantly,

For the good part to come

For the joy to reveal itself

Constantly

Having to heal myself

From missunderstandings and accusations

Red herrings

False expectations.

I’m supposed to feel that joy

Even in the harder moments.

It’s meant to infuse and define

The entire process

Leaving me feeling more

Not less.

I’ll confess to the part that’s mine

It’s taken far too much time

For me to learn what life’s been teaching

I’ve actually been over-reaching

In attempts to deal with holes to fill

Thinking every hole an ill

Not being able to clearly see

That the holes are those that define me

And if I want to take command

I need to understand more of my own map

Not search for solutions in another’s lap

And when others come into my sight

I must resist with all my might

The urge to be someone’s white knight

Or someone’s dark horse, unpolished diamond

Not a sight on someone’s distant horizon

Need to understand there’s more for me

To wait for someone to adore me

Someone whom I adore in turn

Who’s there to share not make me learn

Their lessons unnaturally

But someone who fits comfortably

Where I don’t wait for joy revealed

Where there’s so much joy it can’t be concealed

Where the love feels like a blessed gift

And even the work gives me a lift

Where stumbling’s accepted, not judged

Not critized and begrudged

We all make mistakes

I need someone who takes

Those things in stride

Not a force to be defied

But whose eyes light up

In love and kindness

Where each day serves to remind us

That we are better off together

And whether that will come along

I can’t be sure

But a love that pure

Is the only one worth taking

Till then

I’ll be making my own way

Living my life day to day

And being finally able to say,

Without a doubt to linger at

I’m actually okay with that.