Obsessive stars

‘’Can you tell me what happened, from the beginning?

The beginning. Isn’t that a bitter word?

Beginnings always contain an end.

Maybe, did I think this one was special?

Did I, for too long, have hopes?

I wonder if, perhaps, she had some too?

I know that she had some for life,

She perceived it in a different way,

Than all of us.

Maybe,

Maybe her perception of love,

Wasn't that different from everyone else.

“We met on a Sunday and we went to a restaurant on Hayman’s boulevard.”

Her face looked so soft, it’s the first thing I saw in her.

She saw this wine, Merlot and her eyes immediatly light up.

A trip to France, I believe. It made her think about her father. He left for Paris when she was still young.

He never came back.

It wasn’t my first date, but it was the only one that meant something.

I remember her telling me, that my definition of love scared her.

But I thought it was beautiful,

I think obsession isn’t that terrifying.

My wish, has always been to be obsessed over.

Why can’t someone,

For once, just live for me?

Can’t someone just break down,

When I've been away for too long?

I gave her everything I wished for,

Shouldn’t she be grateful?

“I have a question, Adrian, what’s your definition of a perfect date?”

“Ours.”

It is said that the first encounters always had this effect when they seem important; we are not sleepy.

We would like to tell each other about our lives,

every detail of our lives,

share the songs we love,

the books we read,

the lost childhood,

we would like to have always known each other to kiss again and again,

to wake up by the impression of being together forever and ever.

Then, tell me..

why did she want to sleep?

“Why do you think you were so attached to her?” The therapist asked.

“I’m not sure.”

She knew what it was like always having to fight the person who's supposed to be your parent,

She knew what it was like having to fight to get your mother's attention.

So, why did she refuse mine?

I was ready to do everything for her, there was nothing I couldn’t do to take care of her as much as she wanted to.

I saw her gaze longing to be loved.

I also knew what it was. Why didn't she want us to fulfill each other?

She always ran away because she didn’t know what a man's love was like, just like I didn't know what a woman's love was.

Wasn't that it?

Kill for me?

Live for me?

Only see me?

Make everyone else transparent?

Couldn’t she tell me why?

Why did she fight so much to fall asleep?

“Well then, do you think you were in love with her?”

I chuckled, “of course I do.”

I was in fact, so in love, that I loved everything about her.

Her eyes, they were gray,

As gray as the sky,

When a storm is coming,

I think she was the storm of my life.

I loved her stomach, it was soft

Have you ever wondered, what a cloud feels like?

I like to imagine, it’s the same feeling.

I liked it a lot, its peachy color,

But do you know what drove me crazy?

The purplish blue bruises on her skin,

The vibrant red blood that slowly dripped down her nose,

Her soft cries, when she begged me to stop.

To this day, I still don’t understand why she cried,

I was giving her my love, in colors.

Didn’t she say she loved colors?

Purple, like the grapes I gave her every morning,

Blue, like my eyes, those that she stared deeply at,

Wasn’t that an act of love?

Oh and red.

Red was so many things.

The color of her sheets,

The strawberries that we would eat while attacking each other with whipped cream or, maybe,

My last vision of her,

It was such a beautiful tone of red.

“In that case, why did you do it, Adrian?”

I still remember in that evening, she was lying on the grass, her eyes filled with shine from the reflection of the stars she observed.

Why was she so interested in the stars?

"What do you like about the stars?” I had to ask, breaking the silence.

She looked at me with her dazzling eyes, why is it that among millions of stars she shines the most?

"I find them interesting, bright and beautiful, I feel like they’re watching over me and are here to tell me that an even better day is ahead tomorrow.”

I looked away and said, “yet they are plunged into the darkness to shine "

She looked at me interested and replied, "It's true but don't you agree that without darkness, nothing shines?"

She was right, so tell me..

Are you shining from above because of me?