Now what?

There I was in my old Nirvana concert tee, 

Last nights mascara smeared 

From the tears

Camouflaging my discolored eyes and cheek.

I sat on the floor of my old childhood bedroom at my moms house 

Empty and numb. 

There was an old pack of smokes in a shoebox near me

So I lit one up (but I don’t smoke)

Stale as our love, I gave it a good light and let it burn.

I waited and waited 

To feel something.

As I puffed one after another.

Anything. 

Waited for a breakdown 

Or for my anger 

To give way to regret.

But for the first time in years 

My only feeling was relief.