Now, I Know

Do you remember all those years ago,

You told me that you loved me,

And I believed you,

The bruises in my heart,

And, on my face,

Weren't enough to make me see the truth,

Neither were those hurtful words,

You always threw back at me,

To silence my voice,

You always bought me roses after

an argument,

Apologised,

Slept with me,

And ent me on that beautiful honeymoon period,

The one that made me believe that you could

change,

For weeks,

months,

And years;

I should have seen it coming,

You never changed,

Did you?

You made me believe that,

Everything was alright,

Until I stepped out of line,

Did something you didn't like,

Then you would play with my mind,

Like a toy being marked by a child,

The scars that hurt,

Even though I told everyone they were mild,

I fell down the stairs,

Banged my head on the bath

Tripped on the pavement,

Walked into a door,

How many excuses was I supposed to make up for you?

Tiny lies to cover up pain,

Lies that shamed me, because lying is against

my morals,

Lies, because I would rather stay silent,

Than face another blow from you,

Look at what happened when I finally

spoke my truth?

The first time I stood up to you,

You denied it,

Then made me out to be crazy,

And;

They believed your dirty words,

The tears,

"I'm innocent," you pleaded,

Words and pleas,

Because you couldn't set me free,

You didn't tell them how you

used me,

Expected me to do everything,

Clean,

Cook,

Shop,

Deal with the kids,

Laundry,

Tend to your friends,

Be your agony aunt,

Polish your boots,

Make your family feel welcome,

Wear clothes you thought suited me,

Never have my own friends in because you

disapproved of them,

Only ever play the music you like,

Make sure everything was in its perfect place,

Tell you every time I went somewhere,

Confess to everything I bought out of my own pocket;

And if I didn't comply,

It was just another bruise,

And more emotional abuse,

Stupid, sensitive me!

I was always known for being vulnerable,

It's a flaw you see,

I give too much to keep the peace,

And I care too deeply,

About everybody but me,

Don't think this trauma has weakened me,

Because it was decades ago,

I'm not scared to face the truth,

You didn't love me,

It hurts like hell,

But now, I know,

So,

We're down to our final words,

Thank you for the lessons you taught me,

They only made me stronger;

They helped me to see what I will,

And,

Won't tolerate,

Your violence set me free.