Novel strain

in the middle of the pandemic

my therapist said

there would be a new normal

that someday

soon

scientists would develop a vaccine

and it would all seem

so silly

how we sat

so far apart

and Walmart stopped staying open

all night

and we could tell total strangers our thoughts on god

on the internet

because we were all dying

anyway

so why bother

holding

anything

back

at the beginning of the pandemic

when I saw the news about China

Kobe had died

and I was about to be ghosted

but first he blamed his sorrows

on this one death

and then we all thought

we

were going to die

so why bother

calling anyone

back

toward the end of the pandemic

I lived with an ex for a moment

it made sense

not to risk so many germs

until his last

ex’s

car

broke down

and she moved in

there were only so many

beds

but more than enough

saliva

to go around

and

I wanted to die

anyway

so why bother

four years collapsed

into a single

day

all the trauma

disguised

as medical

bills

was it today

or yesterday

I was dying?

Kobe died at 40

I am 40

now

the sentence stops

but I don’t know

what comes

after

my therapist

told me

still six feet away

she was leaving practice

and I would have to

find

someone

new

and she said