Note to my 15 year old self

You are a child

you do not have to carry

the world on thin shoulders

You are a big sister

not a parent

You have the right to daydream,

to be dramatic,

to giggle endlessly.

Your father still loves you

But he is grieving right now

and a living child just can't replace

one who is gone away.

You will not know this for many years,

but you will know one day.

Your mother aches

In her bones and in her heart

as her storybook notions of family crumble.

When you become an adult,

she will lash out

and you will wonder what happened

to the mother you thought you knew.

And one day you will understand that

she never left

but was buried in an avalanche of hurt.

You will travel a hard road but

you will survive.

You will carry scars,

but you will survive.

You will have children who love you

You will fail sometimes, but you will never

stop trying

And to them you are the world.

You will become a strong woman

but first you have permission to be a girl

You are smart,

you are beautiful,

You

are enough.