Not Safe Enough

I strapped myself in tight,

fifteen seatbelts

choking my stringy limbs,

metal surroundings taut and sturdy

but not sturdy enough

atop this black ice.

During the spinning

I close my eyes

I see every God

I see every past

I see the other futures

I could have grabbed like

the string attached to

an escaping balloon

that you watch ascend,

ascend, ascend,

and imagine never dropping

but floating on forever,

untouched by the rules

which burden us now.

During the spinning,

my skeletal hands are small

circles,

eating anything nearby

hoping it will lessen

the impending impact.

I should have been safe,

I never toed the lines,

I kept my eyes wide and wild,

I should have been safe,

I followed every rule,

I took the correct tablets

in the correct dosages,

slept from 10 til 6 most nights

I should have been safe.

The car continues spinning,

ice cracking under the pressure,

new tyres useless now

I should have been safe,

the string escaping my best grip

not strong enough

try as I may

it’s just not enough.