No More!

To reduce the risk of another broken heart, I burnt my emotions, black

Eyes focused on everything else, for months, I changed into just that

A woman without a man, only a mother to my children. I planned

A house, a home, a job, a plan I could follow to be sustained

I succeeded. Won. I recovered from the past pains of diving in

To give myself a chance at loving me, I sat on the sidewalk of romance

While  you moved from lane to lane, overtaking long legs of desire

It was the hardest thing to have given so much for so little I got

I vowed it made no sense loving so much, so hard, only to hurt as much

I was done. Finished. Tired. Grateful I made it out of the love net

But like a freak storm you blew into the center of my peace

You presented yourself to offer nothing that I didn't need

No drama. No harmful intentions for me. No time like now was your plea

I bought into your sale, regardless of the red-flag warning signs not to

I bought into your lies regardless of the truths I should have recognized

Somewhere between thinking I was ready and fear of missing

I took the last chance with you to find love you know I needed

You performed for me, an acrobat indeed, your tricks seemed

Like entertainment and I attended every single show as host

I waited on you. Waited for you. Waited with you. Waited

And every time you appeared, show after show after show

I hosted at my pleasure for you without expectations of return

Then you figured that I was 'catch', baited and reeled in

So you turned up the flames of abuse and hammered strong

What little faith I had left in men and love and love and love

You left me fluttering and battering for dear life, after living

For you, you, you instead of me and me and me and me

No more...

I'm walking away to save myself from drowning in my tears

From losing my breath one inhale or exhale too late, for you

Because I am no longer strong enough to be your host

I am no longer afraid to walk back to where you found me - safe

I must leave to say the words I cannot speak to you yet

I'm walking away confused about your plan for me in the first instance

My thoughts take me back to us, when we were happy, so ever often

But you abused me. You controlled me. You raped me of my strength and dignity

I gave me over to your will, as you conditioned me

No more!

I leave on my terms. Your force drove me to reevaluate and I thank you

I am recovering

I am battling with loss, I'm controlling

I am embracing change again

I am slowly taking steps to see the next you coming

And even if I don't see the stop sign turning green, I now know RED

No more!

You laughed when I cried. You called me crazy for the tears you didn't dry

You said it was I who had issues and that no one could help but I

I aborted our plans, at your demanded request to separate myself from you

I was bad vibes and mayhem just for being in your life

But now you claim you just had a moment

Goodbye for now. Goodbye for then, Goodbye for later. Goodbye forever

You say I'm at fault for leaving and not working things out - I say, whatever

The option to stay was none the day you raised your voice against me

So now, your regret, my pleasure