New Grief

How can I list all the ways my heart is broken

They spill out of this shattered shell

Blending together until they are all one thing

Or another

Liquid, yet broken

The pain fills me until I feel I will sink

To the bottom of existence and drown

In the in-between spaces of past and longing

Desperately reaching for the joy, crushed under miles

Of guilt and shame, horror and loss, rejection and hate

Until I can float again, I will clutch these snapshots

Of love and meaning,

My life vests in the deep