Never ending cycle of Lonesome

I can’t allow myself to be alone…

throughout my whole life I have always needed to be with someone

when I’m by myself my mind runs rapid

my thoughts get jumbled and I feel so alone

I have always tried to be around friends

but when I get close it’s hard

because they all leave at some point

I’m always the one left behind

I give my heart to my friends

and it is well worth the time

but when they leave the heartbreak is excruciating

I have never allowed myself to get into a relationship

I don’t want my heart to hurt

but the fear of getting my heart hurt leaves me empty

almost feeling unloved

I’m usually a confident person

but letting myself feel is so much harder than confidence

trapped in my own world of loneliness

though I am surrounded by people who swear they love me

why don’t I understand

why can’t I peacefully walk alone without thinking about how alone I am