Neither Monster Nor Lover

It's been years since we ended

Bitter was the parting

Slow was the healing

There are scars that you left

Deeper than I could know

Lurking behind closed doors

And after all those years

When I thought I was whole again

When I thought I was myself once more

I dreamt of you

Beautiful and lusty

Smiling like you must have so long ago

This was wonderful horror

Aching passionate touch

That I did not want

How could I feel this way?

An abuser that I barely escaped

Now a fantasy phantasm

How do I reconcile

The supple caress

The burning desire?

Were you a succubus from the start?

A dream creature praying on my weakened state?

Never truly of this world?

How could I look into those eyes full of malice

Where I knew hatred that nearly destroyed me

And now see anything else?

Yet there it was

My sleeping body reacting

My heart pounding and skin tingling

When I awoke I knew

What had happened did not negate

That I once loved you absolutely

Now my waking mind must accept

You were always both and neither

Lover and monster.