My Way Back

That day was like the sound of twigs snapping,

The day my mind went sick with a greenish gray like color

A mental fog came rolling in from the coast of my hippocampus

No sign of clarity in sight.

I was made to wait in the white light of redemption but found not an ounce of mercy,

The voices spoke from every corner of the brewing storm inside my head

First as faint as a pin drop

Then they grew louder like the sound of waves crashing against jagged bedrock.

Every utterance was filled with respite and disdain,

Flush with the red-hot anger, embarrassment, and terror I claw my way back to sanity

Nothing was harder than that.

Nothing except finding the will and reason to walk this earth any longer.

What resolve did I have?

None other than the fear of what lies beyond.

I was afraid to live, but more afraid to die.

That yellow cowardly fear was what kept me grounded to everything.

With my head in my hands, I begin to ball.

For I now know what I must do.

I must be brave enough to live.