My Voice

Feels like I’m stuck in this inferno of what I thought was love. It will never be, abuse is not love it always ends in catastrophe. Coming from a long line of people, a parent who is evil and a group of individuals who wishes to deceive you. You get stuck pained in different strokes, hoping to never commit the worst praying and prying your hands away from the dirt. Listening to the sounds of trouble lurk, as you lay still hoping that you know your worth. Self love only exists from the makeup people wear to hide the pain behind the shadows that kept love hidden, long enough before we met at the time of goodbye. Love shouldn’t make you cry, in love you shouldn’t live a lie, and that’s all I’ve seen, pain overloaded through a man’s fist, yells and screams, plastered walls drug induced ranged, mixed with alcohol. I see you, a person filled with the definitive definition of what he thinks are his own failures, hoping to find a woman weak enough to wail her, just to impale her. Gratitude comes from the grace of my discernment, you have left me cold as the pavement showed me no mercy. Withered away underneath the concrete, the rose still blossoms but no one gets to see what’s bury beneath. I hate that I met you, pain became a staking change where my opportunities didn’t fail you, although, you will never love. My mother will be the judge that gave you the gavel to hurt my heart, you broke me in places because I didn’t know my heart. I gave endlessly to beings who considered me a problem while I suffered through survival. I shadow pain like I’m trying to learn the impossible, how can I forgive when y’all refuse to let me let go. I want to heal and this is what you know. You promise that the end was near only to find out love has gave birth to everything I had begin to fear. The mirrored light is only a reflection of a soul you tried to bury and leave the corpse hidden behind a wooded area hoping that I was Jesus’s bride and not carried. Using the Bible for more than a conscious effort, and teaching the word to my beneficiaries. I hate this sorrow and I’m not sorry for not loving you anymore!