My son

I gave you everything, my son

But it still wasn’t enough

I tried so hard to instill in you

Values to make you strong

So you can become a man, my son

And yet here I am today

Alone and lost, without my little boy

Where is the man I could lean on?

Where are the sturdy hands

That would help me when I fall?

Where is the love I gave you, my son?

I shielded you against the world the best I could

Yet who can protect me now?

Weren’t you supposed to do that, my son?

You would look at me

Your eyes full of wonder and trust

Wonder that I destroyed

Trust that I tore down

And the last time I saw you,

Your eyes were full of rage

Filled with anger and betrayal

And then you left, not a single look back

Had you turned, you would have seen me crying

Sobbing bitterly at our failed relationship

At my incompetence

For I didn’t know how to love

But I loved you the best I could

So deeply and irrevocably

I just couldn’t say it

Nor could I ever show it

But please don’t doubt my love

It was always unconditional and sincere

It was always there

But while I was busy building us a house

I forgot to make a home for you in my arms

I tried so hard to give you all the material riches

Unaware you were yearning for cuddles and kisses

Now I can’t even embrace you anymore

How I miss you, my son

How I wish you could feel my love, my boy

And I hope that when you become a father

You’ll understand my love, my dear son

The love of a father

***

Thank you for reading!

Bahora Saitova