My Sincere Apology

I see your name pop up on my screen,

But I let your call go to voice mail,

I’m so sorry I couldn’t answer you today,

As today is not a good day, it’s my fail,

I’m struggling with what I’d say,

I can’t face talking to you,

Because I’m feeling anxious, overwhelmed,

Distressed and heavily blue,

I promise I’ll return your call soon,

As I miss hearing your voice,

It’ll be on a day when I feel I’m succeeding,

A day when I feel I have a choice.

***

I walk past you on the street,

My head down pretending I don’t see you,

I wanted to lift my head and smile,

But I’m too stressed, hurting and off cue,

I plan to catch up with you soon,

Let’s grab a coffee and cake,

A chat to catch up on all the gossip,

On a day I have the energy to fake,

Today was not that day,

I didn’t even want to be out of the house,

I knew you were there beside me,

And now I feel like a louse.

***

Yes I received your email today,

But my words have failed me,

I responded numerous times,

Then deleted them so you couldn’t see,

I’ve been super busy with work,

And I promise I’ll respond on the morrow,

An upbeat message of love and happiness,

So you cannot see my sorrow,

What I write will be embellished,

The truth too hard to describe,

My life is happy, positively the best,

Full of love and laughter as prescribed.

***

Sending a quick text to cancel our dinner date,

I’ve made myself ill worrying myself silly,

Something important has come up,

Unexpectedly and unfortunately,

I’ll regret this decision, I know,

But I seriously was struggling to go,

I miss your smiling face,

But will definitely reschedule though,

I love catching up with you for a night out,

And I’m disappointed to have to postpone,

I can’t tell you it’s actually a relief,

Especially to cancel by text, rather than by phone.

***

Hi boss, I’m not feeling well,

I can’t come into the office today,

I don’t think I can even climb from my bed,

But that’s impossible for me to say,

I’ll make up the time during the week,

Catch up on all that I miss,

It must be something I ate,

I feel terrible for all this,

I’ll keep you updated on how I feel,

Hoping to be in tomorrow instead,

If my mental health will allow me,

Yes, I’m well aware it’s all in my head.

***

I’m terribly sorry to disappoint,

If I could change it I promise I would,

But there are days that I struggle, I suffer,

And then there are the good days I could,

Please accept my sincere apology,

It’s given from the bottom of my heart,

I beg you to forgive my hurtful ignorance,

I had no plan to disappoint at the start,

I’ll make it up to you as best as I can,

And this will not happen again,

Unfortunately I know that’s a lie,

As I often ride this fast speed mental train.

This poem describes the 'face' we show the world. The words in bold are the words we tell people, but the words with strike through are the words that truly describe what is really going on. The words we feel we need to hide.

Please click the link below my name to read more of my work. I would also like to thank you for taking the time to read this today and for all your support.

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Please visit my website if you'd like more information on my newly published book, Battle Angel : The Ultimate She Warrior.

Originally published on Medium