My Disturbing Thoughts

My disturbing Thoughts

Should I call it off?
Should I retreat and apologize for my behavior?
Should I shut myself up?
Been busy with my disturbing thoughts.
Never imagined it will be a long day.

I lost myself…
I am so tired.
What should I do?
Been busy with complaints and confusion.
Can't sound reasonable anymore.

I am so tired of being Perfect.
I am so tired of pretending something I'm not.
I am so tired of impressing and pleasing others.
In the end losing myself alone.


I can't afford this.
I can't lose myself.
I can't help but think it again.
So many disturbing thoughts.
Trying to catch my attention.
Should I let them in?
Just like others.

I can't fake it anymore.
The demon inside is in pain.
Crying to be out and free from the blockages.
Hey, Stranger!
Can you help me?

Hah, it's so funny of me.
Just like a child,
Full of hopes and trust alive.
Feel free to break it.
Make this fool feel betrayed again.
Betrayed by own people.
Betrayed by own self.

It hurts!
It hurts to be left in shadow of hopes,
It hurts to be fooled knowing you're not unknown.
It hurts to watch own self being destroyed by own!

I'm looking for a hand to rise up.
Not a facade to be pleased with.
I'm looking for the one I am in.
Not to be one I never meant.