My Deep Thoughts

I learned something from a clip about a horror film-

sometimes, while you tried to overcome it- trauma will always appear as a monster and you can never beat them.

And sometimes, there are no happy endings.

it sounds sad, but true.

When bad things happen, I always want it to die.

I was raised as a flawed, but a broken being.

I haven’t been expressed myself very much, in school successfully, as a human.

Instead, I was like nothing but a pet because of my disorders and disabilities.

I was also been treated like an alien, no matter where I go.

I also don’t understand about love at all— it’s like on and off from lightness to darkness, in a personal way.

so what is love exactly? Connection? Being human? friendship?

am I really alone?

maybe I’m not..

‘I know it’s overwhelming- I tried to focus myself, but things are not very easy these days.

My feelings were too strong. Very strong.

I still want them to get to know me, be kinder to me and even understand me more than being ghosted and shame because of my character flaws.

however-

i still want to understand them more, but still.

I still fear in my own heart and mind that I’m no good to anyone.

I still want to be heard, seen, and valued- not just loved.

I wish they could see it more than myself alone…