My Child

I gave up everything for a child who doesn’t like me sometimes.

I gave up everything for a child who doesn’t want me sometimes.

I gave up everything for a child you wants to “runaway” sometimes.

I gave up everything for a child who thinks I’m a "mean mommy" sometimes.

I gave up everything for a child who doesn’t need me sometimes.

He doesn’t like obeying or being told what to do.

He doesn’t like naps or eating the food he’s given unless he gets “shmallows”

He’s “hungry” but only for candy/sweets and fruits.

“No” is his most hated word when he’s told it, but his favorite to say when asked to clean his room or pay attention when you’re telling him to do something.

He has a mind of his own and the free-will to choose what to do.

He’s just a tiny human.

Figuring things out, too.

I gave up everything to become only known as “Ems Mama”.

I gave up my name and exchanged it for “mama”.

I gave up my hobbies and exchanged it for things he enjoys.

I gave up my identity not sure how that one happened.

All for a child, who doesn’t love me, sometimes.

I gave up going to the bathroom alone.

I gave up taking showers alone.

I gave up eating my own food because even if you have the exact same things on your plate, mamas food always looks better.

I have locked myself in the bathroom just to get five minutes of peace.

I have sat there and cried and cried and cried.

I have felt like a failure and do.

I have yelled.

I have gotten so mad I have had to leave a room and gain composure before going back into an entire room of sharpie covered walls.

I have made him cry.

All leading to my question that I ask myself regularly....

Who else was going to give up their entire being to become a parent to this child?

Not a damn soul.

I gave all of this up...

and honestly,

none of it compares to the moments.

You know.

The moment where they’re sleeping and you fall in love with the tiny human you made all over again.

When they do a silly dance to a song they like.

When they get excited to see Christmas lights and every time they see the moon.

When they wrap their arms around your neck and say, “mama, I love you”

When they cuddle up next to you on the couch to watch their favorite movies.

When you look at them, through tear filled eyes and they sit in your lap and tell you, “it’s gonna be alright mama”.

Nothing I gave up means anything to me.

I gave up everything for a child who loves me.

I gave up everything for a child who made my hair begin to gray at age 23.

I gave up everything for a child.

For a small, stubborn, attitude filled, sass driven, turd of the century, just like mama, child.

I would do it all again.

No questions asked.

I’d go through the pain.

The loss.

The hurt.

Just to be “Ems Mama”.